If they say that my masturbation material is boring, then I’ll just have to show them masturbation like they’ve never seen before!… or something like that…

April 27, 2011

EDIT: I wasn’t expecting this blog post to be this successful… and so is the barrage of spam and uh… shitpost that came afterward (probably a manual one) I received in the comments so I temporarily disabled comments while I try and clean things here. Now that I have managed to somewhat filtered them… I re-enabled comments again…

EDIT 2: Whoever you are it’s Envy not Jelly OK… also please stop with the homo and onion spam… please…

And with that title we begin this blog post. This particular line was said by a character named Kuronegro in some anime recommended (actually insisted) by a friend I must watch since he thought I might find it relevant… and relevant it was…

I don’t watch anime that much not because I don’t want to but because my schedule doesn’t permit to… in fact, I haven’t watched a single episode of Madoka which people consider a must watch but when I watch an anime… I really watch it and dedicate a fixed amount of time and make sure I was in the proper mindset…

This particular anime I’ve watched is episode 14 of Oreo-no-Imoto… I forgot the rest but I have never watched the rest of the series… only this one episode… and yet this particular episode hit me dead center… like a Fed-Ex truck… Not only I can relate to it, it’s talking to me both subconsciously and somewhat literally. In that episode, they are brainstorming on their project… something I’ve been doing internally in my head all the time.

As a VN maker, I have one major flaw… and that is writing skills… that are somewhat elementary level… same goes with my English skills… here’s a sample of my writing plucked directly from my project…

“GREETINGS! We are from the newly-opened bakery not far from here.”
“Just somewhere down that road… yes… there…”
“And to celebrate our opening day… we are giving away these!… ”
“No strings attached!!!”
“Our bakery’s Flagship Product.”
“What you see here are delicious cupcakes!”
“These cupcakes are no lie!”

Not so good right?… Yes, but I was happy with it… I was writing something from the deepest corner of my brain, the bottom of my heart and from the most remote corner of my mucus lined stomach. Compared to others, it’s not good but this makes me happy. OK back to the anime… while brainstorming there was a time when Kuronegro said something like…

“Your writing’s nothing but self-gratifying masturbation novels.”

While I don’t directly write anything that literally has masturbation, I might as well be since I self-insert myself in “almost” every work I did both solo and collaborative for the sole purpose of self-gratification. And just like she says… it’s so correct I could vomit. And again, she said… “But that only works for people who are lucky enough that what they find fun equals what sells.” … another bulls-eye… this hit me so much that I literally slammed the table getting everyone’s attention in the office and unintentionally giving everyone something to worry about since whenever I slam my table in the office means there’s something screwed up and I’m not happy and someone’s head will roll later.

OK back to the subject… while I don’t detest people who are talented in their chosen field… I too am just a human and as a human… I too have what most people call envy…

Doomfest, even though you’re a douche and an all around asshole with attitude problems… You are a great artist and (I hate to say this but) I envy the way you shade colors… you make them so blend with each other…

Deji (wherever you are) I envy the way you draw your line art and the lively expressions you produce.

Sake-Chan, your natural talent at writing… the one single talent I so wanted to acquire. You can put your thoughts to writing whenever you wanted (or that’s how I see it)… if only there is a device you could buy at Walter-mart that can suck out people’s talent… I’m certainly going to hunt you first and use it on you without hesitation… then find me a native Japanese speaker and suck his/her brain so I can make Japanese translation of whatever I’m writing… instant entry to Japanese market!!!

VDZ, the way you weave your music is so natural. You make it seem like a quick chore instead of something that requires time and effort (though I certainly wish you could compose more music that doesn’t come out of an RPG)

Winkiller, Renpytom, Alex, Jake, Delta (#%&! screw him) and Jack and many others… Why is it that you people can make programming seem so easy like writting a memo to be posted on a fridge. I just can’t fanthom the wide-range of possibilities you guys can make… it’s just so almost surreal… yes, my envy is just off the scale here…

Yes, envy is such a powerful emotion that gets stuck with you days or even months on end… but luckily for me… this anime also, managed to make a resolve which somehow buffers the effects of envy.

“I’m going to do what I want to do, how I want to do it.”

“To me, a doujin is something you slap a 100% self-gratifying masturbation material sticker onto.”

Those lines really blow me all the way to the remotest part of Canada… it’s strong, it’s fast, it’s brutal… Indeed, why am I engaged in this whole VN hobby thing?… Certainly not Money for I don’t sell my works nor do I receive monetary compensation. Certainly not for fame… why would I hide behind under the alias Mugenjohncel?… it’s because the nature of my works will harm me in more ways than one with implications far and wide once people who know me learns that I am also this Mugenjohncel persona… where this Mugenjohncel person is someone most people considers rotten, the very epitome of society’s trash… a worthless talentless hack who can’t even write shit… much less sell them… therefore, we are left with one option… self-gratification… If you have all the power and freedom to make every choices you wanted with no pressure whatsoever… would you do something you don’t like?… of course not!!! I know the consequences, but it’s fun… Heck! Let’s do it!

And with this… I feel something surging within me… a feel I haven’t felt in such a long time… lately, there have been several progresses made in renpy especially in the GUI department. A lot of those newer works involve the usage of Screens and ATL which is still a world away from untalented hacks like me… my natural tendency is to copy them… I want them, they look good on your works… if I have them too, my work will look good like yours!… and then I realized… this is a very dangerous kind of envy to have… not only it will bog your project to eternity… you’ll end up keeping wanting more and more and still end up not satisfied… better focus on what “YOU” wanted and then look at “WHAT” you are capable… accept the fact that this is as far as I can reach when programming or scripting or something to get that huge weight of your chest… and from there, you find a middle ground…

So anyway, I wanted to make a VN that will appeal to me! A VN where I AM THE PROTAGONIST!… and even though (according to everyone) the measure of a VN’s success is how it is being interpreted by the reader… I still wanted to do it. Yes when I write I have a very clear intent… unfortunately, that intent might not be translated accurately to my intended victims… nevertheless, I still and will do it!!!…

“POOF” (Disappears)

Oh and to compensate for the trouble of scrolling all the way down here… I’ll give you some teaser spoiler…


  1. If it’s “Let’s cite something someone said in manga or anime and ramble about it day”, I have my own example…

    This comes from Fruits Basket, and I had to take it from Wikiquote, as I only remember it in Italian:

    “If you think of someone’s good qualities as the umeboshi in an onigiri, it’s as if their qualities are stuck to their back! People around the world are like onigiri. Everyone has an umeboshi with a different shape and color and flavor. But because it’s stuck on their back, they might not be able to see their umeboshi. “There’s nothing special about me. I’m just white rice.” [in her head] That’s not true. There is an umeboshi — on your back. [aloud] Maybe the reason people get jealous of each other, is because they can see so clearly the umeboshi on other people’s backs. I can see them, too. I can see them perfectly. There’s an amazing umeboshi on your back, Kyo-kun.”

    It seems to me this post is the result of the same kind of thinking of someone who doesn’t see the umeboshi on their own back.
    I’m not a great artist, or writer or programmer; so depending on how your mind works you may just brush off whatever I say, but it still needs to be said.

    (Disclaimer: I’m well known for saying what I think, to the point I don’t hold back even when it comes to arguing with my superiors or my boss at work – if you think anything in what I say is flattery you deserve to be impaled. ’cause I’m evil and horrible pleasing people is the last thing I’d do. I speak my mind, because I genuinely admire you. And I don’t give a rat’s arse if you care, I just do.)

    You’re just so fucking stubborn, I’ve seen you countless times trying something new (3D, new ways of customising your games’ interface, new ways to churn out art faster… you name it) and every time you put a lot of effort into it, you research the best way to make things the way you want to and keep going, relentlessly. You fail and fall, and stand up again, over and over.

    I don’t get the same vibe by any of the people you listed, aside maybe from the programmers. In fact, I think you’re pretty unique and therefore admirable, in the EVN scene. You’re often my personal source of inspiration. When I was drawing the sprites for Tristan & Iseult I kept trying to finally get something done in the little time I had, and among other artists I love, you were in my thoughts. You talk about expressions? Your characters have plenty of personality because of the way you draw them. See if I care if they’re not shaded and blended ad nauseam – where did you get the impression that makes something better by default? Why do so many people keep on getting confused by the way something is rendered and don’t notice its flaws?

    As for writing, The Fucking question is still there on my PC, I can’t say the same about a lot of other games. Until now only stuff by Drake, DaFool and Mikey had the same treatment. This is not to say you’re like them, not at all. But you’re recognisable. You have your own style. You can and will get better, you can polish your skills, and you will make it because of your stubborness. The important thing is that you start from a base that isn’t acquirable with practice: you have your own flair, that particular something that only you can give people with your games. You can and do inspire people with your games and your drawings. You certainly inspire me to try and actually finish projects – it worked once, and it will work again, I’m confident because I have a good role model. >:D

    Now go and don’t give a shit about what I wrote, see if I care. I’m right and I know it.

  2. Ahahaha, what Ren said. I know flippantly saying something like “No need to be envious,” probably won’t change much, but there’s seriously no need to be envious. I wish I could steal your background-making skills. Do you have any idea how few people do environment work? Writers come cheap. Really cheap. Everyone wants to be a writer, and I’ve got the submissions in my inbox to prove it. No one wants to make BGs. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve tried. I’ve done everything from filtering photos, painting photos, sketching and painting straight, rendering 3D, filtering renders…you name it. All utter failures. And I wasn’t lying when I said I enjoyed working with you. My only regret with CLF was that we didn’t have time to do more.

  3. “WinKiller” here. ^_^ You probably never heard about that before, but I’m also drawing things and even writing music (to some degree). Actually, it’s all about the possibilities and desires. “Everything is possible, but nothing is possible without one’s hard work.” ©

    Making things is very easy if you have a proper tools you like and love to work with. Bad tools are those who limiting your flight of fancy – get rid of them as soon as possible!

    As Ren and Sake-chan said, you have a talent. Even if you’ll get stuck on something, you can always rule out the situation. You have a great sense of humor, I haven’t read anything more hilarious than your OELVNs, really. ^3^

    *casts +9000 of courage* Now go and show those dummies how to get things done! ^-^

  4. From what I’ve seen, it’s not *writing* that you’re having problems with. You’re certainly not short on creative twists or snappy dialogue. Your character creation, (personality and history,) is phenomenal. Your artistic skills in background art and character design are definitely professional grade.

    From what I can see, your only difficulty appears to be with plotting; namely coming up with fresh and different situations to put your characters in.

    Sadly, my only strength is in plotting (and occasionally dialogue.) Seriously. In my professional life I’m an author. I write fiction for a living — ‘masturbation material’ novels to be specific. I’d be happy to talk ‘shop’ with you anytime, even if it’s just as a wall to bounce your ideas off of. You don’t have to worry about me stealing your ideas either. I have way too many of my own to deal with. In fact, you’re welcome to take a few of mine off my hands if you like. 🙂

    Ookami Kasumi

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